“People plan. God laughs.”
- a quote you hear often, regardless of what you believe
Here’s a story I don’t share often. The night before my wedding, I broke my two front teeth.
We spent the weekend before our wedding with family and friends at a hotel that had a pool and waterslide. On Saturday afternoon, I went down the slide headfirst. At the bottom, I misjudged the landing and slammed straight into the slide instead of the water, breaking my two front teeth. Instead of partying with our friends the night before our wedding, I sat in a dentist’s chair getting emergency repairs. I am forever indebted to that heroic dentist.
Maybe your story isn’t quite as dramatic, but I imagine that you too have moments of disrupted expectations.
We build careful plans, strategic roadmaps, thoughtful timelines, detailed events. Then something happens. It could be something big - a winter storm hits, a key partner backs out, a global pandemic arrives. Or it could be something small, but just as disruptive. Now what?
Our typical either/or approach leads us to double-down on our existing plans. While some disruptions are real tragedies that demand care, time and attention, too often we default into a tragic, victimized mindset, trying to reclaim what was. Research on escalation of commitment shows that the more we’ve invested in something, the harder it is to let go.
Both/and thinking invites a different stance. Switching our mindset allows us to see disruptions as the norm, not the exception. We can use them to find new opportunities, rather than getting stuck in the old plan.
If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I recently had a plan go awry. I received the University of Delaware’s Francis Alison Award, the university’s highest research recognition (for which I was tremendous honored and grateful!). The award ceremony includes a lecture on my research. I prepared for weeks. I wrote and revised the lecture, created the slides, picked out an outfit, coordinated family and friends’ travel. Then a massive snowstorm hit the East Coast and everything shut down. The lecture was postponed. Now what?
This month’s newsletter is about that question. How can a both/and mindset help find new possibilities amid disruptions? I hope this newsletter helps you create some openness in your life and your leadership.
PS The new (and better!) Alison lecture and award ceremony will be April 27th, “Paradox Theory: How Both/And Thinking is Reshaping Leadership and Decision-Making.”
I’d be delighted to have you join in-person or by livestream.
Click here for more RSVP info.
Click here if you’d like us to send the livestream link when it becomes available.
Here are four ways to stay open when plans shift.
1. Acknowledge and accept your emotions.
Disruption is frustrating. Ignoring our feelings doesn’t make them go away, it just lets them quietly hijack our clarity, connection, and creativity. Naming what we feel and accepting these emotions helps us to open up and think more creatively about new possibilities. For more, check out Both/And Thinking chapter 6, where we talk about how to “find comfort in the discomfort.” (see chapter 6).
2. Adopt a serendipity mindset.
We often think of a disruption as a problem. But changing our mindset to expect disruptions allows us to avoid getting hung up on the past and start looking for new opportunities in the future. Christian Busch calls this a serendipity mindset: seeing the unexpected as a source of creativity and growth. The more we assume value can emerge, the more likely we are to find it.
Honda became the biggest motorcycle producer in the United States because they found lucky opportunities to sell small scooters when their initial plan to sell large motorcycles failed. Check out Both/And Thinking, chapter 7 for the full story.
3. Return to your purpose.
When plans fail, don’t try to recreate them. Go back to your initial purpose. What were you trying to achieve? What was your why? Then ask if there are new ways, maybe better, ways to achieve that goal.
When I led the Women’s Leadership Initiative at UD, knowing that our purpose was to help empower women and advance gender equity allowed us to shift during COVID from a 25-person in-person executive education program to global webinars reaching over 5,000 people. These webinars have some of the best advice for professional women (and men!) that I’ve ever heard from people like Jodi Kantor (NYTimes Report; author of She Said); Elizabeth Lesser (founder of Omega, author of Casandra Speaks); Rinku Sen (Executive Director of the Women’s March) and more. You can watch them all here.
4. Look for the unintended benefits.
Disruptions often carry hidden upside. Not every disruption is a gift. But many hold something we would have otherwise missed.
Years ago, my coauthor Natalie Slawinski experienced unintended benefits when she planned a huge event to share our research with community activists in Newfoundland, Canada. A huge winter storm disrupted the event. For those that arrived before the storm hit (sadly, not me!), adversity intensified connections and learning. The battering winds, excessive snow and power outages fostered deep community, vulnerability, insight and commitment. Similarly, my pre-wedding dental disaster made the day more special - and more memorable. And the postponed Alison lecture has allowed us to be even more deliberate about how we share and plan the event.
Disruption is not the exception. It is the norm. The question is not whether plans will go awry, but how we respond when they do. With rigidity and frustration, or with creativity and connection.
Here’s some references to do a deeper dive into the research:
Busch, C. (2020). The Serendipity Mindset: The Art and Science of Creating Good Luck. Penguin Random House.
Sleesman, D. J., Conlon, D. E., McNamara, G., & Miles, J. E. (2012). Cleaning up the big muddy: A meta-analytic review of the determinants of escalation of commitment. Academy of Management Journal, 55(3), 541–562.
Staw, B. M. (1976). “Knee-deep in the big muddy: A study of escalating commitment to a chosen course of action.” Organizational Behavior and Human Performance, 16(1), 27-44
What’s coming next for me:
I’ve loved connecting with so many of you through my newsletter. Please reach out, and we’ll see if we can make it work to connect in person.
April Travels
PARE Conference, Tallin Estonia (I’m excited for my first visit to the Baltics. I welcome all recommendations!)
April 27 – Francis Alison Lecture! Please feel free to join me.
Click here to RSVP to join in person. Click here to sign up for the livestream.
May Travels
Vienna, Austria – I’m thrilled to be joining an amazing research team exploring how to teach people about paradox.
Vlore, Albania – Research get-away
Oxford, UK – COSI (Community on Social Innovation) conference
New Haven, CT - Yale University Reunion – Whohooo… let me know if you’ll be there!
Stay tuned for a big announcement coming up next month.